Christmas is supposed to be The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Though I should probably think twice before saying that because it might offend someone who prefers other holidays.

People these days are offended by everything. Because of this, the meaning of Christmas has drastically changed.

Christmas is no longer about spending time with your family and participating in various seemingly normal Christmas activities; it is now about finding different things to be offended by.

Here are some adaptations brought to you by snowflakes – and not the magical icy kind that fall from the sky.

Baby it’s cold outside, but I’m gonna let you freeze because chivalry is offensive     The song was originally written in 1944 by Frank Loesser. I highly doubt his intentions were to offend any of you #MeToo enthusiasts. He was literally just trying to keep the girl warm. Karma is going to come around and give y’all frostbite.

Rudolph the superficial, racist, body-shaming reindeer
Apparently I got it all wrong when I thought the movie taught me to celebrate uniqueness.

Santa: The non-gender specific, nondenominational December holiday character                                                                        

Hopefully no one will get offended. The Santa figure is only okay when desperate housewives are torturing their kids at the mall while trying to get a holiday photo

We wish you some happy holidays
Saying Merry Christmas is offensive … apparently the snowflakes don’t know that holidays is slang for Holy Days … Bamboozled again 🙂

Fruit and vegetables are now racist
Has anyone ever watched Veggie Tales? Well, the shows are now deemed racist because the villains supposedly have voices that sound ethnic. I always thought the villains were the vegetables I despised … or maybe I despised the vegetables because they were the villains … hmmm.

Christmas lights beckon for people to come rob your house
Red christmas lights signalize a gun-free home. You might as well put a giant neon sign in your yard that says, “Rob me, I’m defenseless.”

Very, very dark-grey Friday
The color black is racist now. What’s next? Are we going to rename the day the stock market crashed?

The world needs more non-gender specific western people
The University of Wyoming offended some folks because apparently they weren’t smart enough to draw inferences regarding the school’s mascot.

Devastatingly weird and futuristic mall displays for Santa
Well Karen, it didn’t seem to matter when you traumatized your child by putting him on a strange man in a red suit’s lap so you could take a picture.

Ugly non denominational holiday sweater parties
Normal ugly sweaters can be worn year-round. There’s something special about christmas sweaters. Don’t take that away.

It’s not OK to be forced to take a day off
There are literally people who complain about not having to work on Christmas. I’ll take any day off I can get; I don’t care what the occasion is. I rather enjoy relaxing at home.

Let’s ban the food I don’t like
Vegans are trying to ban meat because they don’t eat it. Guess what, vegans? At least my food can defend itself, unlike the poor plants y’all go around killing all the time. I’ll keep bringing home the bacon. Let’s ban brussel sprouts instead.