Ladies and gentleman, this is the story of how I broke all the rules. Ignored every single safety protocol in the book. Six feet apart. Facemask. Social distancing. The whole nine yards.

I traveled many miles and purposely went to the most infected part of California.

All for the sake of getting that perfect summer glow.

Which I didn’t get … but you know what I did end up with? A COVID-19 test shoved up my nose and down my throat.

But that was after I returned to Wyoming. My trip was cut short when the state of California shut down and flights were cancelled. The airports were deathly quiet.

School was pretty much cancelled for the next few weeks so I went about life business as usual,  Definitely not social distancing as the Centers for Disease Control and Protection (CDC) recommended, and I most definitely did not self-quarantine after being in a high-risk zone. 

Why would I? I like to believe I’m pretty much invincible, and I didn’t believe it could happen to me.

Fast forward a week-and-a-half.I woke up with a fever and sore throat. I wasn’t too worried, but the next day was even worse. My roommate called the walk-in clinic. They weren’t too concerned, thinking I probably had strep throat or maybe even the flu. But as soon as they found out I had just gotten back from California, it was game over.

I had to be tested for strep and the flu by a very nice doctor who was wearing a yellow cover that made her look like a nice golden marshmallow. She had a glass shield covering her face as well. I almost wanted to cough or sneeze just to see how she’d react. Both tests were negative, but this was not the end of the story.

I was home for about an hour before I received a call from the doctor. Turns out, they had called the COVID-19 task force to see if I should be tested. I was branded as a “person of interest” and had to immediately return to the hospital to be tested for the Coronavirus. I felt like the monster with the sock on his back in Monsters Inc. The one where they call the hazmat guys in? Yeah, that was me.

So I was tested in the hospital parking lot. A swab. Up the nose … and seemingly into the cranium. Clearly punishment from up above since I ignored the CDC-mandated stay-at-home order. I cried. Most definitely gagged as well. My roommate had a heyday with the video-camera and there’s definitely a TikTok floating around of a cotton swab shoved up my nose.

Although my test was negative, the moral of the story is this my friends: Listen to healthcare guidelines. I could have avoided the whole ordeal if I had just gone to the store and bought self-tanner. You can now find me in my yard, sunscreen in one hand, hand-sanitizer in the other.

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