Red hair, don’t care.

Lucyjane (LJ) Crimm

More stories from Lucyjane (LJ) Crimm

November 15, 2021

Abby Landwehr

PHS Prowl reporter Lucyjane Crimm, a natural ginger, showing off her ginger locks glowing in the sun.

Before you make the “I’m gonna beat you like a redheaded stepchild” comment, pause for a second and think about what you’re insinuating about gingers. Also think about how rude it is to threaten people. 

We gingers get a bad rep, but in reality, we have it pretty good compared with everyone else. Consider the following:

  • Since  we allegedly “don’t have souls,” we don’t feel guilt whenever we do something bad It’s widely accepted that gingers don’t have souls and I am here to confirm it. We will not feel bad when you try to tell us we shouldn’t have taken the last soda because you wanted it.
  • We blind people when they look at us in the sun. This isn’t a joke; don’t look at our hair on a sunny day. We harness the sun in our locks and reflect it out.
  • We’re probably fire resistant. We have hair that looks like fire and I haven’t caught on fire yet so there is no way to disprove this. (DISCLAIMER: DO NOT TEST THIS THEORY)
  • The best people are gingers: Lucy Ricardo, Archie from the Archie comics, Carrot Top, Garfield, Phillip J. Fry, the Weasley family, Andy Daulton, Grant Dillivan, Abi Arends, the Brence quadruplets … and the list goes on.
  • Freckles. We have ’em, you don’t. Mic drop.
  • People want to be like us. Let’s face it, the amount of botched attempts to dye hair ginger is a whole genre of comedy on its own; even if the dye isn’t a complete failure, it can never match the original.
  • We’re easy to spot in a crowd. We’re good people to pair up with if you have social anxiety because gingers are very easy to spot, especially on a sunny day.
  • We naturally have more Panther pride than anyone else. Throw on a black bow and we’re ready to go. We don’t need all the fancy, frilly school pride accessories because we’ve got Panther pride every day.

So yes, maybe we’re not the first choice of a stereotypical “Barbie,” but while you blondes and brunettes are dying your hair to look like ours, you can bet we gingers are laughing guilt free.

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